It’s been a funny sort of day. My parents asked what I wanted to do today and my reply was “nothing”, they took this to mean I was going to go back to bed. That would have been the ideal. Unfortunately I was informed that was not an option. Instead we went a countryside drive and then visited some relatives. I do miss the countryside when I am living in the city and to be fair the scenery is stunning here. I just felt numb all day. I hate not being able to enjoy things, not even the little things like sitting in a coffee shop having a hot chocolate. It’s frustrating because I love enjoying things especially the simple things. I hated visiting relatives and pretending everything is fine. It’s almost a painful process.
I’m sitting here trying to do crafts and it’s not helping, I just want to go to bed but I know it’s too early. I wonder whether either of the parents are going to take the day off tomorrow to supervise me or whether I’ll be trusted to be in the house by myself. I’m not sure whether I am or not. Being safe is a tenuous concept at the moment. I want to be safe and I want to get better but a large part of me is telling me that I’m not worth it and should just take myself out of the picture. I guess I just need to keep going with the trying to stay safe and not get too frustrated if the parents decide they want to look after me.
See Me After 